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| Source: VeryWellMind |
In Western Society, especially in American culture but also the UK (which let’s face it is often attempts to emulate American culture) introverts are seen as being “a concern” and “a problem”, while extroverts are often held in high esteem, with an extrovert being seen as the “ideal” and “default” way to be, and that extroverts can indeed be more successful socially and professionally. Introverts are seen as being “not social enough” and “too reclusive” among many other negative traits. Even when you google the definition of an introvert, the first thing that comes up in Google is “a shy and reticent person”, although the real definition is “an individual who has a preference for the inner world of thoughts and feelings as opposed to the outer world of socialising with other people” (Psychology Today, N.D). I have to be honest, the many misconceptions about introversion have often exasperated me to no end, because of just how inaccurate and misinformed they are. Like many concepts, it is a concept that is very much simplified, with the assumptions that “all introverts are the same”, and that it is very much “one size fits all”. The fact of the matter is, like with many (or rather all) traits, conditions, disorders etc etc., there is indeed a spectrum, a continuum even, with the varying levels of introversion, with not every single box of traits and symptoms being ticked off for every individual. These misconceptions are unfortunately pervasive to the point they have become a default definition in society, that when people hear the term “introvert” they immediately think “Oh yeah, that’s someone who’s really shy and doesn’t like socialising isn’t it?” These misconceptions and myths are unfortunately pervasive, and just as you think there is going to be an increased understanding now, you still see something online from only a month ago saying how introverts need to be more “extroverted”.
Myth 1: Introverts do not like socialising
Since introverts prefer solitude to socialising, it is automatically assumed that they simply “do not like socialising”. However, this is both simplified and untrue. Introverts do like socialising, just not as much as extroverts do. Indeed, introverts can really enjoy socialising when it is on a small-scale, such as in small groups or on a one-on-one basis, in calmer environments. Psychology Today perhaps highlights this best with their own take and explanation of introversion, as they point out that “A crowded cocktail party may be torture for introverts, but they enjoy one-on-one engagement in calm environments, which is more suited to the make-up of their nervous system” (Psychology Today, N.D). This is where the crossover between Introverts and HSPs (Highly Sensitive People) can come in, as both can be sensitive to social stimuli, but of course the overlap does not actually merge into one definition. They also go onto state that “Introverts do not dislike others, and they are neither shy nor plagued by loneliness.” The common misconception that “Introverts are loners” can also be incorporated into this. Introverts do gain energy from being alone, and they do crave their alone time more than extroverts and even ambiverts do, gaining stimulation from it. However, this does not mean that they ALWAYS want to be alone, as indeed they can very much enjoy being in the company of others, provided it is the right company. This can be valuing quality over quantity, for instance preferring a small group of close friends to a large gang of friends, some of whom they are not that close with on an individual level. In these smaller-scale, more intimate contexts, they can very much come into their own and show their confident and lively side.
As an introvert, I can safely back this up, as speaking from experience, I definitely very much enjoy socialising when it is on a small-scale in a calm environment. For instance, while hanging out with a large gang of people in a noisy, rowdy nightclub or pub may not be my cup of tea, a one-on-one get-together at the house just playing games or a meeting about 2 or 3 other friends at a coffee shop or for lunch is indeed a source of bliss for me. Quality over Quantity has always been my motto in life, and that’s not to say that introverts necessarily always have more meaningful friendships because they often value quality over quantity more than extroverts do, but it can definitely be seen as one of their many strengths.
Perhaps for some introverts this misconception may be true, but that is where the spectrum/continuum comes in. Those on the extreme end of the introversion spectrum may not like socialising, but it is definitely not something to be generalised about all introverts.
I remember seeing a comment online somewhere in response to someone saying that networking was important, which said “Introverts Beware!” It is common, default assumptions like this that generalise and simplify introverts as simply hating socialising, because of course networking involves socialising. Of course it irked me, and I know that as an introvert I am fine with networking, and have even done so before as well. It’s not something we have to “beware” of, because a lot of the time we are fine with it, and implying that introverts may struggle in the professional aspect of life, because they “hate networking”, when in fact introverts can indeed be very successful in their professional lives, with 28% of those introverts even being in leadership roles (Wellness Cloud, N.D). But more on that in a later misconception.
Myth 2: Introversion is something that needs fixing
Perhaps the most infuriating and hurtful misconception of all about introversion is that it is a “problem” that “needs fixing”, that introverts need to “become more extroverted” to be more successful in their social and professional lives. I have seen many articles and books on this, and honestly, the lack of understanding of it all and the implication that we should simply stop being ourselves is really hurtful and infuriating. I once saw an article by the Wall Street Journal (Reddy, 2013), saying that research had suggested that Introverts should act like extroverts to become more successful and happier. This isn’t the only article though, I have seen several, that all reiterate this apparent research and tell introverts they need to “fix” themselves to become more “liked”, “happier” and “successful”. Someone called ‘growwithcolby’ on Instagram, only last month in May 2025, also posted a post saying that “Introverts should act like extroverts more often”. Clearly this message is still prevading to no end, and perhaps always will. I also remember seeing a book titled “How introverts can become people people”. Not just anyone in general who may be more interested in becoming more of a people person, but introverts specifically, when there are probably non-introverts who would actually want to become more of a people person and benefit from the book and any other materials like this a lot more. That and an article I saw once saying “How to go from an introvert to an extrovert: 30+ tips all introverts should read” the ALL implying that all introverts are one in the same, with the same problems and challenges, that all need the same advice. Again, the concept of a spectrum being total alien to some people. But worst, saying that introverts need to abandon their natural personality trait and lifestyle to become something they are not. I know I should probably give the author or webpage for this article, but it honestly makes me too angry to see and does not do my mental health any good.
Not only do statements like this indicate that introversion is indeed a “problem” that “needs to be fixed” and that “introverts aren’t as happy or successful as extroverts”, but it also damages and undermines their journey of self-acceptance. In a world that constantly tells us to be and behave a certain way, with a society that tells us to tick certain boxes to live the “ideal life”, it hurts to hear that you are basically “insufficient” in this world the way you are, and to be something you’re not. This simply being because you prefer the inner-world to the outer-world, and prefer small-scale, quiet get-togethers to wild parties. Or according to them, because you simply “don’t like to socialise” and “don’t get out enough” and “hate people”.
The pervading notion that “Extroverts are happier than introverts” appears to pervade all over the media, being apparently based on some actual evidence. As Psychcentral (N.D) points out, introverts can be very happy indeed, just in different ways to extroverts. As Helgoe (2008) points out, there may be evidence that extroversion is associated with a more upbeat, high energy, exuberant effect, also known as a “high arousal effect”. However, introverts tend to seek out a different kind of “happy”. She goes on to say “Because we tend to get more easily overstimulated, we tend to look for something lower key. Introverts prefer low-arousal positive feelings, such as tranquility and relaxation”. Unfortunately though, finding happiness from sources of peace still appears to be looked upon as a “concern”, in a society that values and promotes extroversion and high energy happiness.
Sophia Dembling, in her book “The Introvert Way (2012) also looks at the research that has been undertaken on extroverts being happier than introverts, but how the measures of this research may have been biased and limited, since it only looked at the typical sources of extrovert happiness, rather than any sources of happiness for introverts. This is indeed a solid point, as “happiness” in this case seems to be limited to a particular definition, looking at the more obvious sources of that happiness can be derived from, such as having a big social circles, partying, etc.
For instance, some measures of this research included “Social Connections”, “Outgoingness”, “Social Acceptance” and “Social Events.” However, as Psychology Today (N.D) points out, introverts and extroverts can find happiness in different ways. For instance, introverts may find happiness in quiet, more solitary activities, or in smaller and more intimate social settings. Likewise, it is important to remember that happiness is indeed subjective, being experienced in different ways by different people (Introvert Spring, 2013).
Therefore, with all the evidence that is being pointed out by these people using it to back up the ridiculous notion that introverts need to become “more extroverted”, there are indeed arguably research gaps, as there is with a lot of research. While evidence may be seen as fact by some, the research itself should also be considered, since of course, research gaps are indeed very much a thing.
Psychology Today (N.D), also points out that introverts are happy, which is evidenced by studies that show how they react to different kinds of stimuli than extroverts. For instance, according to Psychology Today, “Introverts are more responsive to internally generated brain activity, from planning ahead to remembering the past. They are content with their own thoughts and don’t need a steady stream of novelty and emotional arousal to experience pleasure; they prefer the quiet calm to the high of happiness.”
Myth 3: Introverts are Shy:
As I mentioned previously, the first definition that comes up when you search “Introvert definition” on google is “A shy and reticent person”. It is a common stereotype for sure, you imagine an introvert and see someone very shy who just reads by themselves, or see a shy person and think “Oh they’re such an introvert.” even though being shy and being introverted are actually two different things. You can easily be an introvert without being shy and shy but not an introvert.
Schoenwald from Introvert Dear (2021) highlights this aptly, highlighting that introverts can enjoy speaking and making conversation, they just like to think before they speak, but once they do speak, they can have a lot to say. Likewise, they can make great conversationalists because of their frequent ability to listen and react to what people are saying. They make great observers too, which can be another part of the enjoyment for them when socialising and conversing. Some introverts can actually be quite outgoing (Purswani, 2020), just like how some extroverts can actually be shy.
To sum it up, some introverts can be shy, but not all. Perhaps it can overlap with Social Anxiety at times, but not for all people, but maybe for some people, like myself, but I will get to that later. But with certain people, I would not say I am shy.
Myth 4: Introverts are no fun
As Schoenwald (2021) from Introvert Dear further highlights, introverts are often seen as not being any fun, simply because we are not the life of the party, are not party people and prefer to stay at home reading a good book in solitude for instance to going out partying. However, this craving for solitude and quiet, alone time is not the same as being boring, miserable, sulky and negative. Rather, we do have fun, just in different ways to extroverts, or if we do go to a party, we prefer to stick to and will gravitate to smaller groups, and take a break outside for a bit of quiet for time to time.
As an introvert, I don’t hate parties, at least not all parties. In fact, I actually really enjoy going to some parties, provided they are not too wild and rowdy, and if I can stick with and talk to a group of people I like and connect with, even better. I still go to parties, I am just never the life and soul of them, but I still have fun at them in my own way. We also may have fun with small-scale get-togethers/gatherings, as I know that spending time with one or two good friends playing video games or going the cinema or bowling for instance is definitely a lot of fun to me.
Myth 5: Introverts can’t succeed in the professional world or be leaders:
Because introverts are seen as being “shy” and “reluctant to socialise”, it is assumed along with this that they are also unlikely to make good leaders or succeed professionally. In a society that values extroverts, good leaders are seen as being “people people”, “confident”, “outgoing”, “extroverted”, “assertive” and “charismatic”. Therefore, there’s no way an introvert can meet this criteria, so how can they possibly make a good leader?
Well, as Urani (2024) highlights, introverts can embody strengths of introspection, deep thinking and empathy, which can be very valuable qualities for a leader, which they can embrace for thoughtful decision-making, for instance. Similarly, introverts are often known for good listening skills, which are important in leadership as part of effective communication. Likewise, they may also be adept at forming meaningful, authentic relationships, with their focus on quality over quantity, which can be important when forming strong rapports and connections with colleagues.
Unlike that comment I saw that said “Introverts Beware [of having to network when advancing in the professional world], implying that they may not have that drive and motivation to succeed, introverts can indeed be just as ambitious as extroverts, especially with their tendency to introspect and overthink. This, I can say myself, has come in useful for when thinking of possible ways to progress in getting a job or careerwise, as I will usually spend ages thinking of a list of ideas and listing them down, sometimes even too long. Having become quite involved with the university I studied at too, when having worked temp jobs there and gotten involved with certain projects with them, networking became pretty normal to me.
Introverts can be happy, successful and social. Perhaps in their own way. Most importantly though, introverts do not need fixing, as in they certainly do not need to become “more extroverted”. “Extrovert” should not be the default way to be. Rather, “being yourself” should. Embracing this introversion and encouraging that self-acceptance is an important thing, as part of being able to be oneself is embracing their individuality. However, that all gets very much undermined and damaged when people tell them they need to “become more extroverted, act more extroverted” etc. etc. What happened to being yourself? They might say “just be an more extroverted version of yourself” but trying to be extroverted when you are introverted seems like not being yourself to me. I mean how would these extroverts like being told to be more introverted?! That’s the thing, you never see stuff telling extroverts to be “less loud” or “more thoughtful” for instance. All these misconceptions are also misconceptions in that they are one-sided and biased, assuming that only introverts have weaknesses, but not extroverts, when indeed very much both introverts and extroverts have weaknesses. You never see anything telling extroverts to be “more understanding” of introverts, with all this stuff about how introverts “need to become more extroverted”. Introverts have many strengths, just as extroverts do. But I do not think extroverts should be told to stop being themselves or be quieter or more understanding, because like with introverts not all being “shy” or “reclusive”, I know not all extroverts are too loud, thoughtless, have little understanding etc. Extroverts should not be stereotyped, generalised or condemned any less than introverts should be, even if it is far more frequent towards introverts. There is no “wrong” way to be, except if you are not being yourself.
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